Revival

So, our church is in the middle of a revival.  It started on Wednesday, March 2nd.  We’re on the 3rd night tonight.  Each night gets better and better.  Each night we can feel the spirit growing stronger and stronger in the church.  The message is becoming more powerful.  More souls are drawing closer to the Lord.  It’s an amazing, awe-inspiring journey.

I am overjoyed to go through it.

I almost missed it.

See? I was going to write tonight about ‘giving of myself’.  How people talk about how we give and give of ourselves until we’re tired, we’re worn and we just have no more to give.  We feel we have to distance ourselves, recharge, refocus our energy.  However we want to word it.  I get it.  I work in a job where I give of myself.  I give to people who are sick.  They don’t feel well; they have health (physical and mental) needs, and it’s my job to make sure those needs are met.  (‘I need an appointment’, ‘I need a prescription refill.’)  It’s my job to meet all those needs, in their time.  Not one or two people, but literally over a hundred of them a day.

It gets tiring.  It can wear me down.  And for a long time, I let that tiredness pull me away from the one thing I now realize I need the most in this world.  The church.

Why?  Because it helps bring me to God.

Then God began to work in me.  I didn’t realize at the time that’s what He was doing.  But I was miserable.  Anxiety, panic attacks, and self esteem issues were wearing me down.  I spent more time crying and beating myself up than I did, well, just about anything else.  Sure, I could put on the fake, happy face for the world, but inside I was dead.  Not dying, but dead.

Then God led me, and this I knew was HIS hand, to Hope Counseling Services.  It’s not a service that’s for everyone.  But it was exactly what I needed.  Faith-based counseling.  I was paired with a wonderfully spiritual woman who knew exactly what I needed, knew exactly what to say.  She never pulled a punch.  She helped me get myself through the darkness of the anxiety and panic attacks and into the light… She eventually told me to get my butt back to church.

Because, you see?  I made the HUGE mistake of trying to combat my tiredness/my weariness by refueling myself on my own.  Working constantly from the time I sat down in my seat, giving myself to others, wore me down and I totally and completely chose the wrong way to fill myself up.

I fully realized that tonight, as Brother Oley Wilson preached.  His sermon: If you don’t totally give it up, it will come back to you.  Basically, he said that if you didn’t completely let go of the things that held you back, kept you down; if you don’t totally set yourself free of your issues, they WILL come back on you.

And as I sat there, listening…  As I sat there, watching my brothers and sisters give their burdens to Christ as I had done myself… As I prayed to Jesus to take up my burdens, it came to me that I COULD HAVE MISSED THIS…

HOLY…

I could have missed it!!!!!!!!!

I could have missed one of the most amazingly awe-inspiring, soul-touching, all-encompassing meetings with the Holy Spirit I have ever had in my entire life!!!  HE TOUCHED ME!!!!

And I could have missed it had I not realized that giving of myself is what I’m supposed to do.  Being there for people, helping them… it’s my job, yes!!!  But, I also CHOOSE to do it and I ENJOY it!  I give of myself because there are people who NEED me to be there for them.  I pray for them, many times I am praying for them as they are walking out of the door.  They come to my mind at night, and I lift them up to God, asking that His Will be done for them, that he wrap them in HIS Light and touch them as only the Great Healer can. I’m supposed to be there because there are times when I know I can put a smile on someone’s face when no one else can.  (I know because I’ve been told.)

I could have missed it had I not paid attention to God telling me that I am supposed to give of myself.  I’m supposed to give as much as I do.  I should give more… NOT LESS.  I should give to family and friends.  I should give to those who need.  I should spend time with those I love, spend time with those in need, I should foster those relationships, build them, help them to grow.  It’s what we’re supposed to do… Spread the love and light of Christ!!  And I have found how to refill MY vessel.

God showed me how to refill my vessel.  HE refills my vessel.  Time spent in prayer.  Time spent with HIM.  Time (even just a few minutes) talking to Him, getting to know Him.  This is how I recharge, refill.

I realized that tonight as I was praying in the pew, my brothers and sisters around me.  I was thinking of how I could have missed it.  I could have been somewhere else… And missed it all!!!!

And I just want to thank God that I wasn’t.  I want to thank Him for making me miserable.  I want to thank Him for the anxiety and the panic attacks that led me to Dottye, my counselor, so that He could use her to open my heart and my eyes to get back where I’m supposed to be.

Because I do NOT want to MISS anything else!!!!!!

Thank the Lord!!!!!!!